Ponder

Sometimes
I just couldn't help myself
to stop myself thinking about things related to you know who
especially days with rains falling so heavily
and stucked in the long car queue
Maybe sentimental part of me
just happen to be dominant in my thoughts
probably, I guess.


Recently
she came to me through social network
asked me out for a movie
is kinda random
and there is contradiction in me
I don't know what came into my mind
I just bombarded her
with many craps
excuses and jokes
just to turn it down
till she turn out to become quiet in the conversation
I just realized how dumb for me
to respond in such a way
Trying to be normal?
Partly the reason I guess
Maybe I can't find a better way
to continue the conversation
under certain level of tension
I guess,
she was somehow disappointed and hurt maybe
and after realized what I did wrong
guess what I did?
ironically
I text-ed her "I am sorry."
and try to calm myself throughout the conversation
with my friend
Starting to question myself
as my friend throw me with questions that I should had thought of.


All I wanted to say is that
Its been almost 3 months
I did try my very best to let it go
and I really did 
because I don't feel the impact as much as I used to
stay away from your life
I don't try to be mean
but I just don't want to cause any misunderstanding
However,
frankly speaking
its been 3 years and as for that
partly of me might still holding on to grudge
partly of me might still upset a little
but this doesn't mean that i hated you
I guess I just need more time
to really, really
to free myself from it
and of course
give you some space to live you life
I will be fine, definitely.
I mean I will be great.
You got all the blessing
you can get from me, sincerely.

As long you are happy, I will pray for it to last.

Symphony

It was raining heavily
with the wind blowing strongly
certainly
with the lightning and thunder
I guess everywhere will be flooding
people under the rain will be soaking
running clumsily
finding a shelter to stay away from the rain
those who stucked in the road
will be cursing the weather


I am sitting infront of my door 
watching it rain
well
I guess there wasn't anyone like me
to be this free
Its been a while since i last do this
closing my eyes
listening to the rain falls on the ground
accompanied with other element
looking at the water flow
bringing the sands and dirt along
just reminded me things I shouldn't be thinking
just brings up all the emotions
that almost made me end up standing under the rain


I guess I am recovering slowly
from time to time
I guess I will get over with it
doesn't matter how long it takes
I guess I will still miss those days
but I not hoping for it
I guess I will still sing
although there isn't anyone listening
I guess I shouldn't give dam thing about it anymore
although is kinda hard but i will try
I guess I still got my friends around me
to mess my life upside down
I guess I am hoping for something miracle
but i doubt it at the very next second
I guess things are over
as I don't want anymore misunderstandings.


However,
I am sure that I am pretty fine and happy
with my current life.

Lunar Halo

09.10.2011

While i was exciting dyeing my hair

everyone on the Facebook was posting pictures and talking about the moon

friends were asking me about it

i quickly shouted to my sisters to get their lazy bum out of the house

just to have a view of the moon

of course me too

with all the foams on my head

take a closer look at the moon

wait!

i mean the ring surrounding the moon

the ring has color

with red on the inside and blue on the outside

if you happen to look at the moon that night

the moon looks extraordinary bright and round

it was nice and exciting for me

this was something new to me after living for around 19 years

its called the lunar halo

here some little facts about this "lunar halo"

*A lunar halo is caused by the refraction, reflection, and dispersion of light through ice particles suspended within thin, wispy, high altitude cirrus or cirrostratus clouds. As light passes through these hexagon-shaped ice crystals, it is bent at a 22 degree angle, creating a halo 22 degrees in radius (or 44 degrees in diameter). A double halo, sometimes with spokes, may be seen on rare occasions when light reflects off water or ice.

The prism effect of light passing through these six-sided ice crystals separates the light into its various colors, resulting in a halo tinged with very pale rainbow colors with red on the inside and blue on the outside. The phenomenon of a lunar halo is similar to a rainbow produced by sunlight and rain falling between your eye and the sun.*

Farmers' Almanac Staff 2009, Ring Around the Moon, viewed 10 October 2011,http://www.farmersalmanac.com/astronomy/2009/08/17/ring-around-the-moon/

after that

I rushed back in front of my comp

was excited like a kid

asking everyone to go have a look at the moon

and quickly googled this kind of phenomena

it was fun and happy

sharing the joy you had

i tried to use a better word to describe the moon

but my brain was blank

and only thought of the word 

beautiful =]

Whoever miss the scene

Heh, i felt sorry for you =P

there should be another chance i guess.

Wings

Just had this random thought

that people who left you

had wings you will never

thought and imagine of

during the first day u know them

I had been living in a environment

that my family are always heading overseas

at first

i can easily cried when i thought of them

not being by my side

cause i miss them like alot

but slowly

im adopting to it

thought I am immuned with people leaving

Until today

somehow i recall the moments

i cried for someone who left

doesnt matter

with or without consanguinity

I cried for them as i recall

I cant remember how long was it

the day my cousin bro

who was more like a uncle to me

as he was at the age around 45+

the day he passed away

he was humorous with his words

but there are hidden stories

that will inspire you when you realize

you will always smile and laugh

when listening to him talk

i saw my nephew was talking calmly with his friends

but i guess he had a hard time himself

before he left,

his dad who was my big uncle

left to a better place

due to illness he living with

i cried

as i never really spoken to him

ever since i was born

ironically

he just live behind my house

and i never did spoke to him

and i dont think i seen him face to face as well

i dont know why but i sobbed

Till then

she left by my side

no one to blame

but myself for my mistakes

although happened to be true

that

we both did many mistakes that cause misunderstanding

and responsible for the mistakes

i always laughed

when there is this scene

someone cried badly because of another half

thinking it was somehow exaggeration

you know, effects to attract audiences

i never thought that

i will happened to be like in the movies or dramas

cried for someone that badly

believe me, its bad

that moment of time

you just somehow felt suffocating

not convincing?

wait till you found someone you really care

after around 2 months

few friends of mine had been to overseas

all of them play futsal together every saturday

one, will randomly invite people to his house for liquors

one, will be asking you to head to the gym together

one, had known you approx 10 years and brotherly

one, also known for approx 10 years and sorry i din make it for the farewell

and you wont be seeing them around few years

or once after many months when they come back during their long break

you will miss them in some sense

as you were attached to them with your or their life.

the next day u woke up

something is missing when you are aware of it

yea, someone wasnt there for you

after going to so many farewells

there are some with bunch of friends

and some simply just had their families to send them off

i wonder

if i happen to heading to overseas

well, i do have that chance before

but i gave up because of her

back to the topic

if i am really heading to overseas

how many of my friends will appear the moment before i left

who will be missing me when i left

or who might even cry when i left?

is just the same when i thought

when i was far far away

you know what i mean

what will happen and etcetera

For the ones who had someone that left them here

just continue have the faith in them

that they really do wish to be at your side no matter what circumstances

hold to your heart

and believe that they will come back for you.

just stay strong

and live happily.

Snows Melt.

Dreams are just like snow

beautiful as you see it fall elegantly

as pure as the color itself

but melted the moment it touches heat.

and evaporates into air

and vanishes right in front of your sights.

there goes the cycle

people starting to dream again

might be the same

might be the different one.

May your dreams come true.

basically, i am still holding to the dreams that we used to visualize

it was beautiful and honestly it were close to perfect

thats probably the basic element of everyone's dream i guess

I really did work hard to fullfill our dreams

but i guess i expect too much from myself

bare with all the burden, emotions, works, responsibility myself.

i never really did voice it out to anyone

as i dont wanna mess up with others life with my problems

just the same to you

i never want you to feel bad with disappointment i had in me

i never want you to worried with my works as i know you are tired with yours

i never want you to carry part of the burden i carried

i really had the only intention just to make you happy without any hesitation

*as long as you are happy*

this is what i said everytime we made a decision or you asked me whether Im fine with it.

i really put in alot effort into it just to see you smile

even if i dont feel good about something i will still accepted in some sense and smiled at you telling you everything is alright.

I dont know since when

i had the feeling that im not appreciated

no matter what i do

you will somehow tend to show me perfunctory in you

through you did show it through words

but the way you act just somehow telling me different story

maybe since then

i do focus on my own life more

thought we were heading to a new stage in our relationship

and i guess im too used to it.

but you werent.

and with the burden i had with me

i guess thats when i started to less pay attention on you

and you felt ignored.

Reading back all the msgs before things happened

I smiled

followed by tears.

recalling all the touched moment

it was beautiful as if it only happen in drama series.

but eventually it did happened between us

Frankly speaking, ya i miss you now when recalling all these memories.

but the dreams we had

had been slowly melting

and probably you had your new dreams with your new life

i guess,

is time for life changing decision.

with or without you

life goes on.

and i will let time do its job helping me to forget.

Someone Like You - Adele

I heard that you're settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
"I'll remember", you said,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Yeah.

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday it was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over, yeah.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
"I'll remember", you said,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
"I'll remember", you said,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
"I'll remember", you said,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.